I'm Fine (Not Really)
by BandsAnime
Summary: AU in which you cannot lie to your soulmate.


Takizawa felt like he was choking. Or drowning, perhaps, on the sobs he was trying to force down and stop. He couldn't believe he was having a crying fit at work but he wanted it to stop. It may have been late enough at work that there was no one around to question someone being locked in a cubicle for an unusually long time but he still had Houji to worry about and his partner wasn't the type to let him disappear for hours without explanation.

He inhaled sharply, managing to bite down the sharp sob that threatened to escape. His chest hurt and his eyes stung and _why couldn't he have had this little breakdown at home_. He didn't need this. God, he couldn't even imagine what Houji would think of him once he found out he'd gone off to cry like a baby because of a tiny little thing.

The vibration of his phone in his pocket made him jump.

It persisted and Takizawa risked taking it out to find that it was Houji and it was after midnight and _holy shit he'd been in here for nearly an hour_. Rubbing his eyes with a sniff, he answered it and brought it up to his ear. Luckily, he wasn't forced to be the first to speak.

"Takizawa, where are you?" Houji's familiar voice asked from the phone.

"B-Bathroom." He mumbled.

"For an hour?" His partner asked sceptically.

"Um, uh…" He tried to think of an excuse.

There was the sound of something being moved and then. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He lied.

It took him a moment to realise that he hadn't respond. Instead, he was choking on his words. He tried to say the phrase again but they just wouldn't come out which didn't make sense.

"Takizawa?" Houji prompted.

"I-I'm –" He started.

It still wouldn't come out. Why couldn't he get that last crucial word out that would make Houji back off despite whatever concerns he had? Sure, he was lying but –

Takizawa nearly dropped his phone. He was _lying_. Or attempting to at least.

"Since you don't seem to be inclined to speak to me over the phone, I'm coming to you." Houji said.

The line went dead before he could protest and he let out a quiet squeak. This was awful. Not that he hated the idea of having Houji as a soulmate because _oh god Houji was wonderful and nice and just everything you'd want in a soulmate_ but because Houji didn't deserve to have him as a soulmate. God he hoped this was a case where it wasn't requited. Houji deserved so much better than _him_. He was too good to be stuck with someone so mediocre, someone so –

"Mind opening the door?" Houji asked.

Takizawa couldn't help the loud noise of alarm that escaped him. When had he gotten here?! He heard a sigh and scrambled to open the cubicle door. He hated disappointing Houji because it was like disappointing his mother except ten times worse because he somehow understood why he wasn't meeting his expectations and _what the hell had he done to deserve someone like Houji_.

He pulled the door open, trying to hide his face. Predictably, it didn't work. Of course it didn't. Houji was too damn observant and it didn't help that his partner saw right through the act he put up to hide his insecurities.

"Are you okay?" Houji asked again, sounding oddly calm.

"I –" He tried, choking on the final words once again.

There was a pause and he could feel the older man's dark eyes boring into him, mentally pulling him apart at the seams.

"Oh." His partner finally said.

"I-I'm sorry." He got out. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-"

"Calm down." Houji interrupted. "It's not your fault, is it?"

Takizawa shrugged half-heartedly, not wanting to look at him.

"Mind telling me what's wrong?" Houji asked.

"… I've probably been due for a breakdown for a while." He admitted quietly. "So it's lots of things really."

"Okay." Was the response he got.

Was Houji just going to ignore that he was unable to lie to him? He wasn't complaining. It meant Houji didn't want to acknowledge it because he was disappointed which made sense. Takizawa was a mess that no one deserved to be saddled with.

"I'm not upset, you know." Houji said suddenly.

He forced himself to look at him. "You should be. I'm –"

"Don't." The man chastised. "There's no need to be so negative about yourself."

"You could be lying to me, you know." He mumbled.

"Let's test it out then with a complete and utter lie, shall we?" His partner suggested with an odd look on his face. "Takizawa, I think you're a –"

Houji couldn't finish his sentence. Takizawa stared as he tried to get the words out to no avail, choking on them a bit. Oh God _no_.

"See?" His partner smiled.

He groaned. "Oh fuck. Oh _fuck_. You – You deserve better."

"That's your opinion. Quite frankly, I can't say I'm disappointed." Houji told him, sounding serious yet gentle. "I don't mind that it's you."

"That's dumb." He deadpanned. "You're dumb. Get a brain check."

His partner chuckled but it sounded sad. "I need to shoot whoever ruined your self-esteem. Takizawa, I'm happy it's you, if I'm going to be completely blunt."

"You're being very stupid right now." He told him. "Please stop."

"No." Houji said. "_Cutie_."

Takizawa was pretty sure he stopped working.


End file.
